We build together

I think I fell in love with Bailey the first day that I saw her. And I’ve been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to fall in love with her again and again every day for the last 7+ years.

We’ve grown in our relationship from kids on the same playground to kids working at the same theater/pizza place to kids married in college to kids learning to be parents to kids grieving together. It’s been beautiful to grow together. We live in a love story every day and we know it. AND it’s still difficult.

After I got out of treatment, we started seeing a new marriage counselor. It’s been amazing and terrible. Our therapist is a witch. She peers into our souls and pulls out our deepest, darkest secrets. We’ve gotten our asses kicked week in and week out.

In some cases as it’s gotten better, and in some it’s gotten worse. We’re learning about the “Why” behind a lot of our conflicts, which helps up have more understanding and empathy for one another. As we peel back the layers on our relationship, it’s also made the raw spots a lot more sensitive.

The last week has been particularly rough. We’ve shed a lot of tears. We’ve hurt together a lot and we’ve also worked really hard at learning how to love each other better.

I’m proud of us. We are building our dreams together. We are building the relationship that we both deserve. And we are working hard at making sure we provide space for one another to grow and bloom.

We make music together, we raise our children together, we make love together, and we build a business together. It’s beautiful. It’s hard. And I’m so grateful to have a teammate like Bailey to face each new day with.

Anyway, time for some thoughts from my mind.

Please go to therapy…

Because I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy and benefitted from it greatly, I tend to encourage others to also give it a try. I often here responses like following:

• “I’m glad it’s worked for you, but it’s not for me.”

• “But nothing is wrong with me…”

• “I don’t think I need it… yet.”

Besides the fact that some of these statements can come across a bit hurtful to folks who go to therapy, I think these statements overlook why it’s a good idea to develop a relationship with a therapist sooner than later.

Having an existing relationship with a therapist can be helpful in getting to know yourself better, improving in your familial and romantic relationships, and even improving in your performance at work! But more importantly, having a therapist is a bit like having a life preserver on your boat.

I’ve been through some shit over the last few years, as has Bailey. We worked with our therapists before Miller died, and continued to do so after. Having their support through the hardest times of our lives helped keep us safe and (mostly) sane. It helped me come out of treatment and start re-integrating into my life. It’s helped me maintain my marriage.

I ask you to please, consider finding a therapist today, so that when life kicks you in the teeth next week/month/year, you have a professional in your corner to hold your hand as you walk through the darkness.

Family reunions

Last week, we held the first annual Steve Merchant Family Reunion at Twin Lakes. Couldn’t we have stayed home and just played on Liberty Lake? Totally. But how cool is it that the Merchant siblings decided to build their own family tradition? I think that’s pretty cool and I’m proud of them. Looking forward to next year, and I’m going to try to do something similar with my siblings!

Remember Dragon Tales?

What I’ve been consuming lately:

Music:

• The Light - Single by Clarke Sexton (Spotify, Apple Music)

  • On July 24th I had the pleasure of seeing The Red Clay Strays live in concert. Opening for them was a musician named Nolan Taylor (you may have seen him on TikTok in this clip). Playing lead guitar for Nolan Taylor was a man named Clarke Sexton.

    The two performed a duet of a song they wrote together called “Hold Me,” and my jaw dropped. The man made me question why he was playing lead guitar for the opener, and not headlining personally. So when I got home, I had to look up his discography. The first song I listened to was “The Light” and I fell in love. I’ve listened to it dozens of time over the last week and it’s still not enough. It’s perfect. Please listen to it.

• Moment of Truth by The Red Clay Strays (Spotify, Apple Music)

  • I’m proud to say that I’ve been a fan of TRCS since before they really blew up. They absolutely rocked in concert and this album rips.

• Carried Away - Single by Broken Glowsticks (Spotify, Apple Music)

  • Do you like The Dangerous Summer? Then you’ll like this.

TV/Movies:

• Trap (2024)

  • I hated this movie. M. Night Shymalan has some bangers, but this was a 3/10 for me. Do not recommend.

• Fallout (2024)

  • Tucker and I are watching this and I’m really enjoying the universe. The secondary storyline with Norm is my favorite at the moment. Excited to see how it turns out.

Books:

• The Dark Forest by Cixin Liu

  • 2/3 of the way through this. A change in main characters made it a little hard for me to get back into, but now I’m thoroughly enthralled. I anticipate wrapping up this book and moving on to the final book in the trilogy before my next newsletter.

If you read this far, thanks. I appreciate you.

And most importantly, I wish you the strength to survive the hurt that life has thrown at you and will throw at you.

You’ve We’ve got this.

Nate.